He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
