I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
