My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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