i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
