apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The Olympian is in my bed
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
