How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
