we're blogging at a bar
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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