Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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