did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
