does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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