No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
