I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
