Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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