Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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