she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
