I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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