i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
