Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
