i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
