Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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