On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
