I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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