The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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