Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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