its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
