You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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