Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
