does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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