Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
