How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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