Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
