I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
