please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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