I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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