I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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