my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just want nice things and good sex
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
