whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
