UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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