whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
