if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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