when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
