I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They took my balls.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
