he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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