I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
