I think I just saw someone hide a body.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
