Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
