Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
They took my balls.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
