shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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