Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
