she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
