Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
