at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
