I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just found a bag of teeth...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
BRING THE BAGELS
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize