Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
