I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
