Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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