11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
false alarm, still single
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
