ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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