normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
