I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
