It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
