Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
