So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
