i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
