We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
