Whod you bang
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
