I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
