Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
