Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
