we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Your penis caused this!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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