she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Randomize
