i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
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