Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
