Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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