It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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