apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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