Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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