am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
