I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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