No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Come on in and take your pants off
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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