Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Randomize
