First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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