tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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