you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
