Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
