Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
